And I
by bleedingreel5
Summary: They are no longer heroes, they are a handful of friends in their twenties learning about the world. One day Vanille makes a decision that throws everything away, and fang finds that the person she least expected it of is the best one to go to in a crisis. very loosely based on a true story.
1. Chapter 1

**/prologue**

_It was around 3am in the bandit camp, the only sound being that of glasses slamming against a wooden bar and hushed whispers, a silence that was soon broken by a howling laugh.._

_"oh my god, you are such a bitch" a young man shouted in a pitch far higher than his normal tone._

_"well at least I don't turn into a queen when I'm drunk" came the gruff response followed by a throat clearing._

_Having watched lightning for a day as she made her way across the desert Adonis had asked, out of good will really as he wasn't that bothered, who lightning was._

_The next thing he knew Fang was having him pull up a chair and open a bottle._

_The two had hit it off right away after meeting, a simple exchange involving Fang not attempting to suppress her beer gas at the bar followed by a put down about his red leather trousers after he teased her about how women shouldn't belch ever, and just like that they had been best friends since then, with not much room to elaborate, they clicked._

_"i don't know though mate" she carried on with some hesitation evident in her voice. She was currently in the middle of explaining meeting lightning for the first time after dealing with girls like Vanille her whole life._

_"its like, like if I'd have met that miserable bastard first would I have fallen for Vanille? Like don't get me wrong I love her but she's always got one foot in that closet door, maybe I'd have wanted a girl with more guts" she said, her hands becoming suddenly animated as she tried to express with her thumb and forefinger just how fine the line was for Vanille, she dropped them back to the bar as she reminded herself just how small that bridge was._

_a look of concern settled on Adonis face then, seeing how Fang suddenly zoned in on the middle distance."Life, life doesn't make plans for us, the world could literally end tomorrow, we take our chances and risks at this point and I don't want to leave anything unsaid, you filthy foul mouthed typical raging dyke" she finally cracked a laugh then "oi you cheeky bastard, Mr 'I hide it well' while talking so hard with his hands he might fucking well take off" his face almost dropped when those words left her tequila glossed lips "i thought I'd been reigning it in" he said with a pout "you..you wear red leather pants" fang stated almost blank._

_Then they both just looked at each other and laughed._

_"you do make me laugh you little devil, how goes the old love life anyway?" she asked, genuinely interested, she was becoming more aware how miserable she was becoming._

_She saw herself as pining for Vanille the whole time, she was sure that it definitely didn't do much for morale, no one wants a leader so lost up their own arseload of problems that they can barely tell left from right some days, she was hurting but it wasn't their burden and, in her head, shouldn't have to be._

_Though she had, in actuality, only told Adonis about how close they really were, just in-case Vanille ever showed up, Fang cared purely for her wants and needs and wouldn't discuss them at all without her careful mental filtering. Vanille wasn't an overly sexual person aside from the odd joke. She wasn't a baby, she certainly knew she was sexy or at least cute, apparently she made sazh' life increasingly awkward when he felt he was 'babysitting' her for a while. He told Fang one night on the travels that it took him about 10 minutes to realize she definitely wasn't a kid. And yet it wasn't until Vanille turned 19 that the two girls became sexually active, Fang was convinced she wasn't ready and wouldn't take it well, but she insisted, insisting with messy kisses and hands pushing fangs wrists into the mattress and yet, after all the oh gods and I love you's subsided, sure enough she was in an awkward silence. In fact it wasn't until the joining to crystallize cocoon did Fang truly feel like Vanille wasn't ashamed of it. Vanille liked all manner of closets and being kept to herself._

_Vanille was a quite girl who didn't ever want to upset or hurt anyone, she seemed to like them 'quite'._

_And that fact was what kept Fang awake at night._

_"its okay, non-existent at the minute, I actually came down on the girl side of bisexy for a bit" pausing then to laugh as Fangs eyebrows shot into her hairline with the surprise "i know right? but then she was actually really boring to talk to, my bubble got burst" he then paused "you're changing the subject though" he paused and sucked a breath in before speaking with utmost caution "you may think you mope around about Vanille but, none of us know a thing about her,.. you hardly mention her at all"_

_"alright, alright.. I think if we survive this I, I might break up with her" at this point he almost choked on his drink "what..what why"._

_Fang just stared into space then briefly at a pendant on her neck before speaking "Its always on me, somehow the whole relationship is just,.. mine. I solve the problems, i'm the one waiting for her, i'm still the one who gets blamed, this is nothing to do with that bastard clavis or her downright stubborn attitude, this is about the before and after of this thousand year mess, when I get chance to think about it between fights and gods and bullshit... If shes going to give it the big 'family' crap instead of fucking wife then she could at least stop with the old 'I did that shit thing or other to save Fangs feelings' or Fangs guilt or Fangs memories.. its like she doesn't think about Fangs fucking pride cause Fang thinks you're ashamed to love her if you do at all" and then she stopped her rant to breathe in, she found herself shaking almost as some slight tears rolled down her face. Her hands shook as she tried to hold them steady "but ultimately.. ultimately I know, when it comes to it and i'm looking in her eyes to get it done, I can't, I love her so much i'll just keep taking the shit"_

_a frown crossed his face then as he pulled her in toward his chest "hey sweetheart, things will work out, shhh you're a lot more mature than her, add to that that you were her first girlfriend,.. she doesn't know how to say it shes still frightened of it all,... hey, hey listen you, look at me.. she can be herself around you but she probably saw say, ol' mr yusnaan as a big meathead and that hope kid as some typical 14 year old and choked" Fang then straightened up and broke the hug._

_"yes but, but its not just that, we got together on our l'cie focus, then we slept for years then were together another month, half of which was a break cause i'd forgot because she didn't fucking tell me, funny that. And then, when we did wake up for 13 years, I fucked off at the first sign of trouble. Its like extreme circumstances work for us but just as 'a couple' theres nothing there" they both paused then before taking another drink before Adonis took in a deep sigh._

_"I'll tell you what sweetheart,and oh god I hate you for teaching me that word, cross that bridge when you come to it, if we get to a new world and shes still being a cagey arse about you then break up, if you're reading and she calls the book shit and you have an awkward silence, break up.. just, just don't stress yourself about it now" he finished with a pat across her broad shoulders._

_"anyway i'm off to bed, I am exhausted" he finished before heading off._

_"hey 'don,.. thanks, really, thank you" Fang said after him as he padded off up the stairs._

_She then took her bottle outside and went to think._

_She went over it all, every starry night on pulse. Every moment she saw Vanille watching her stretch and shuddering upright and looking away._

_She went over the moment the shy girl snapped and just grabbed her face for a kiss, she remembered Vanille being surprised Fang had never dated before yet she had, followed by Fang pointing out that most confidence in people is a front._

_She remembered looking at the moonlight off her skin as Fang decided resolutely to tear cocoon down single-handedly to keep this woman in her bed as perfect as she was right then._

_But then every instance of 'family' and Vanille dropping her hand played over in her mind. Every time their vows became a 'promise' and every time she got all cute with some guy and she just felt her hands sliding up her face and down again subconsciously._

_"and every time I hear it it's like a knife in my heart' yeah... now you know how I feel" she sighed aloud as she lay back to watch the stars alone._

_'Whats the worst that can happen anyway? Oh we get the usual 'how will you have kids' but that's it, it's a non issue' she thought_

_Cross the bridge when you come to it, if you make it, if you even want to make it._

_Because you know in your heart of hearts _**if you make it, she'll get sick of you.**


	2. Work for idle hands

**/Prologue - Lightning**

_Fang had a point, what was she going to do now?_

_Sure she tried just mindlessly getting drunk and crying, it seems to be how Fang deals with her problems. That didn't suit her at all, she adored Fang but that was one thing they didn't share in their friendship. Lightning naturally hated drink, she wasn't sure particularly when it happened but she really didn't care for it anymore._

_When she thought the world was ending she'd had the odd tequila shot to steady shaking hands, but now it didn't seem to hold the comfort. Weirdly this felt worse than the end of the world, this was years of blind wandering through life stretching out ahead of her. She'd had 1000 years with something to do, yet filling 80 or less with a lifetime was the worst and most daunting task she'd ever been given, she had to write her epilogue and also her entire story as she'd get older now. It all felt too much to take, it was all too much._

_Her head sunk into her hands, hope knew what he was doing and he was 14, Vanille and Fang would get back together she was sure of it, Serah was expecting, again. And well, everyone had something.. even if Fangs aim was getting fucking annihilated every night and crying out for Vanille at least she did something,.. Lightning had been staring blankly at this wall for 20 minutes now._

_She felt her stomach drop, she felt her lip tremble and she felt herself cave in. she hit the floor hard when she did, head in hands over bent knees aching from where they hit the wooden floor as her breath left her._

_The salted hot tears stung her eyes as it all seemed to just fall, theres nothing, she felt like the sole survivor of an apocalypse, no one else around for miles and nothing to do._

_It had started so well with the weddings and visits and catch ups but eventually everyone got jobs._

_They had kids, they moved on, the only people Lightning had left with time for her were Fang and Vanille and with those at odds all she had was Fang and Fang was worse than her._

_She couldn't lean on Fang to help because Fang could barely stand herself, metaphorically and literally._

_Those two had become what people would have called 'troubled' were they younger, in your twenties you're just a bum. _

_Lightnings fist pounded at the door "let me in you asshole" she shouted through the letterbox as she heard Fang crashing toward the door, as it opened Lightning could see she'd been crying but she was always crying these days. The shock was the look on Fangs face when she registered the redness in Lightnings eyes, she became soft, like she knew what was wrong and just pulled her in for a hug._

_"i wish we could all go back"_


	3. Chapter 3

_word of warning i write scrappy and fast, i'm a comic reader and attempted comic writer. Books are something i envy the required skill level of a lot._

_Introduction to our new life_

Vanille smiled behind the duvet as she watched Fang get out of bed, there was genuinely, in Vanilles eyes at least, nothing sexier than her Fang first thing in the morning. Fang had this natural feminine handsomeness about her that under the right light made her truly desirable, She was almost beyond words. She watched as her shoulder and back muscules shifted as Fang stretched. She noticed the way the sunlight coming through the window perfectly lit that slight curve of her chest as Fang sat, back to her, during the aforementioned stretching.

Her gorgeous eyes pinched together as she squinted into the light after pulling her black sports bra on, the way she pulled a smoke to her lips, a bad though only ocassional habit she'd picked up in the new world before glancing over her shoulder to fire a warm smile at Vanille, her eyes lighting up as always.

"mm, you're such a babe, you're genuinely 'poster girl' stunning Fang" Vanille mumbled into the duvet as her hand began to run up Fangs warm back.

"aw, you are so fucking cute in the mornings" Fang said with a slight laugh before leaning over and kissing her forehead, leaving her hand running through Vanilles hair as she pulled away.

"i don't want to be 'cute' I want to be how you are, and I want to bite you all over" Fang just laughed then "that sounds...really fucking painful actually, and besides I have a lecture anyway, sooo as much as leaving you pains me, so badly.." she sighed then, almost falling into her as the faked a clutch at her chest laughing as she began to snuggle into the smaller womans shoulder. slowly her lips began to shadow over Vanilles neck, her hand blindly reaching to extinguish the barely lit smoke in a nearby ashtray, Fang sighed then into her, shifting to cover her body where she had spread herself almost diagnoally across the bed, a place Fang had left seconds prior. "oh go on, just 3 more hours of you, its all I ask" Vanille spoke with a sigh, her delicate fingers trailing up and down the back of her loves neck. Fang just smiled against her skin at Vanilles plea and touch, her other hand now locked around the purple necklace hanging from Fangs neck as she leaned over Vanille on her elbow. Fang glanced at it for a second and up to Vanilles eyes, losing her breath slightly as her heart beat faster this happened all the time to her, love catching her unaware, Vanille was prone to it quite often aswell. It was a definitely a wonder they got anything done at all.

She struggled to leave the bed then, lost in the idea of a million better ways to spend it. but she had to at least push herself to attempt to iron out her resolve again. "no,no no no no as much as I want to stay and do a million wonderful things with and to my gorgeous girlfriend who is all mine and all perfect..." Fang trailed off, almost punctuating her sentence with kisses to various parts of Vanilles upper body "i can't, unless you _want_ lightning pulling me off you and seeing you naked".

For those who had made the cocoon to nova to new world jump that were having trouble adjusting they could attend several almost university level courses in subjects like politics or various social histories for free to get them adjusted.

Both Fang and Lightning opted for this. Vanille and Serah were both happy to take each day as it came and Snow and Sazh were all about their kids anyway hell, Snow was learning enough just learning to be a dad, he'd barely learned how to do the dad thing with one and now they had twins due, suprising, given how often Lightning had probably caused his boys to cower almost internally in fear or recivive a sharp kick. and as for hope, he was 17 now therefore was more than qualified to run the place, apparently.. in his head.

The scream of bicycle breaks was heard from outside shattering their bliss "speaking of..theres my lift" Fang almost hummed as she got dressed.

Vanille just huffed and pulled the sheets back up to cover her chest "some goodbye you give" she laughed then throwing a pillow at Fang "fuck off you've got fingers, dirty bastard" Vanille just opened her mouth in shock "Fang what kind of girl do you think I am,i didn't mean that! I don't automatically drop to my knees and bring myself off to you if I go without" Fang just giggled, her smile taking on a charming edge "so you do bring youself off to me then?" she said with a wink "get out, out, out, out...filthy girl, animal" Vanille jumped up pulling her beanie over her eyes "and _thats_ for staring at my chest" Fang just laughed and slid her hands down the others sides "i can see what I need to with my hands" Vanille gasped then, chasing her out of the apartment almost in tears laughing wearing only a duvet and a blush at Fangs previous actions. laughing and repeatedly hitting her with a pillow. "LOVE YOU" Fang then shouted up the stairs as she put her hat right before leaving, Vanille went to shout back but the door had shut, asshole.

"one of us needs to learn to drive, my back tyre wont survive your heavy ass" lighning sighed as Fang sat on the seat of Lightnings humble little bmx.

"shut up you love it, besides its muscle.. annnd last nights pizza,.. you loooove it" Fang joked while Lightning just sighed "you wi...you better not wish"

"don't flirt me up farron I'm spoken for" Fang said with the cheeky tone that she only ever seemed to use not long after having sex, it deeply unsettled lightning that she was sitting on her bike-seat in such a condition "as if I would, i'd catch smug asshole or whatever drop on the head made you the way you are" she added "and stand on the pegs, just..stand"

Vanille watched them leave with a warm smile, then thought about what to do with her day. she had always worried what people on cocoon and pulse thought of her and Fangs bond, as ambiguous as it had been kept on cocoon they were openly together back on pulse.

Since this world bhunivelze had sent them to was supposedly perfect she figured they would be fine. Still, it was just in Vanilles nature to check. She had to make sure they could just relax together now, the running had all been too much. She left the computer warming up as she went to grab a tea.

Fang never noticed or cared but young hope, rather traditional in his palumpolum middle class cocoon views, had always made comment ,It worried her. she knew as long as liberal rational people like snow and Lightning were in the world it wouldn't be so bad but kids like hope were friends. To have a friend state they believe your relationship is a choice is quite harmful whoever it is.

Since the move and initial shock and search that followed all waking up again, Fang and Vanille had taken up residence in a city. The two shared an apartment on a very grey relaxed street. It seemed friendly enough and everyones accents made her laugh because they spoke a bit like hope but not, they lived comfortable lives. Sazh and hope had brought a lot of tech with them so the whole group was gifted x amounts of money and freedom in exchange. The two plus cid had repaired a very broken world within a matter of months. She was happy, she had Fang and she had a peaceful life and most importantly again, she had Fang.

She still missed pulse but she could live with that.

She could live with it when her phone would vibrate to show a feed of 'awkward pictures of Lightning' which was definitely Fangs favorite hobby currently. Vanilles current favorite was definitely a classic in which she was just about to eat but had caught Fang, with eyes like fire and a wide open mouth she looked like some kind of lion.

When the two had to go for a stopover trip Fang would write messages to Vanille on Lightnings face while she slept and send her the photos, after laughing herself sore Vanille wondered just how Fang had managed to fit 'I miss you' ten times on her face without waking her.

She brought up the search engine 'same gendered couples in society' and other such terms and it was something she would come to regret for a long time and... she doubted it had changed much.

Vanille scrolled through the endless stories as she felt a weight hit her stomach, "oh no, no these poor poor people" and then as a slew of thoughts all hit her she ran to the bathroom, she found herself vomiting for a solid two minuites, her stomach would not stop turning and the burning in her eyes and heart was unbearable. That could be her, that could be Fang, Fang could get shot or beaten just for loving her. And Fang was stupid and brave enough to challenge someone on it.

Vanille lay there for a while, her breath coming back to her and going again as she began to sob.

Images crossed her mind, images of how l'cie were treated when they refused a focus. She zoned in on one memory, Fang being beaten by priests when she challenged anima, she was on the floor, she was bringing herself up to stand when all the weapons pointed at her. Vanille remembered throwing herself on Fang to save her, in fact it was talking about that later over a campfire that got them together. She remembered the handsome half smile with flecks of dried blood and her black eye, she looked as though just smiling hurt but she even found the energy to wink her bruised eye just to bring a smile to Vanilles face. She wanted to protect her more than she had wanted for anything else in her life at that moment, Fang needed saving from herself and love itself.

That could be a daily occurance on this planet, she remembered Fang as she was that day, blood trickling from places such as her eyebrow and lip, she smiled through it once, she held Vanille and promised the world and an army but she still took two days to recover. She didn't want to see her hurt again, not ever again.

Fang gently creaked the door open as she returned home for lunch, she had been studying politics, history and computing. She rather didn't like the computing one and was aiming to do something more musical as she'd never taken up anything like that before having spent her youth being such an aggressive proud person, maybe Vanille would like it if she embraced her 'sensitive side'.

As she saw the face of the young woman in question Fang froze, she looked totally wiped out. She was pale and shaken as though she had seen somebody murdered before her very eyes.

"Fang!" she shouted as she ran into her arms shaking and sobbing as she finally landed in them.

"i, don't go, don't leave me don't leave please don't leave" she muttered incoherently through tears "Vanille, hey, I'm not going anywhere except for uni and then Lightnings coming over for a drink thats all, baby whats wrong" she reassured rubbing at Vanilles back and lowering herself to her eye level as she continued crying "no just, just don't leave, stay here and stay with me I don't want to be hated again, Fang, its just like cocoon were barbarians again, were just animals again Fang" Fang felt her shaking in her arms as she pulled her close and grew extremely concerned.

"what do you mean" she asked slowly as she took Vanilles face in her hands, Vanilles lip trembled as she met those eyes. "I mean it, just like animals" she whispered before kissing Fang gently as though that were to make it obvious.

"oh this again? listen, you hear me? It doesnt matter what they think? don't think about it, we changed everything all the poltiics and fake gods, its over now they had an 'alien invasion' everything is new, we'll be okay, please breathe my baby, just try to stop crying..my dearest wife, my Vanille.. just lean into me and breathe' she started to hush her voice, reassuring her with pet names and her arms the best she could.

"what do you mean you're not coming back in" Lightning asked into the phone, Fang was on the line and sounded very sombre, almost upset but more like she were holding in a great rage.

"i mean I think Vanilles going right back to square one, its a long story for another time but its a very valid reason, trust me"

Fang closed the cellphone and turned to look at Vanille, the poor girl had curled up on their sofa and passed out, the tears and bathroom incident had tired her out.

"Vanille.." Fang whispered stroking the sleeping girls hair off her face "don't think for a second I wont keep you safe, you are my angel, my saint and my soul. We found that out last time we had to deal with shit, here is no different" and Fang could have swore her sleeping girlfriend smiled.


End file.
